“The Patriarchy is oppressing women in marriage” ! – Feminism

marriage patriarchy oppressing women

Episode Summary

In this podcast episode about the culture, we are discussing the patriarchy, marriage, feminism and its impact on modern relationships. Has the patriarchy oppressed women? Is modern marriage and the traditional gender roles outdated? Well according to a story I recently found, that is the argument that was made by a devote feminist who is declaring that marriage needs a facelift. I have some thoughts about the BIG BAD patriarchy in this one so get your popcorn ready! 

Patriarchy, Oppression & Marriage

Now the BIG BAD Patriarchy is oppressing women in marriage?! (Karat Juice Podcast)

Spotify Podcast

Now the BIG BAD Patriarchy is oppressing women in marriage?! (Karat Juice Podcast) Spotify Podcast

Jill Filipovic is a journalist based in New York and author of the book “OK Boomer, Let’s Talk: How My Generation Got Left Behind.” 

Source courtesy of CNN

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Podcast Transcript

Montay Lee 0:00
In this episode, we are going to be discussing the patriarchy. The Big Bad patriarchy, feminism, oh my god and the effect it is having on the culture at large. Earlier today, I made myself a burger. It was a real burger, real good burger, not to brag. Grilled it up. All good. I like to cook a little bit to know about me little tidbit. After that, I sat down on the couch, and I opened up my phone and I was strolling through the news. And I came across an article that was published today, June 2, on CNN, and it had to do with the patriarchy, and what it means for marriage. I thought that this topic was important, and I have something to say about it. And I don’t want to waste your time. So before we get right into it, do me a favor. I’m your host Montay Lee, this is the Karat Juice Podcast. If you’re watching on YouTube, do me a favor like the video subscribe to the channel to get more content like this. Also from our audio listeners, if you’re listening to the audio version of the podcast do me a favor rate the podcast five star five star five star, I really appreciate you. So without further delay, we’re gonna go right to that article via C in in and I’ll give my thoughts on this. According to CNN. All right, it says here opinion, it’s time to break the patriarchal wedding Peridot. Here’s how this article is courtesy of Jill Fila Povich and it’s an Editor’s Note, Jill Filipovic is a journalist based in New York and author of OK, Boomer, let’s talk how my generation got left behind. And it also says the opinions expressed in this commentary are solely her own. CNN is saying this is her opinion. Alright, so let’s get into it. And there’s a picture of Jill Filipovic right there in a blue dress she states. Now it’s June, a predicted record breaking wedding season is officially in effect. After two years of pandemic disruptions. Couples are again tying the knot in front of family and friends. And many of us are spinning our spring summers and falls, juggling various marriage related events from bachelor and bachelorette parties to various bridal showers to the weddings themselves. Okay, fair enough. Where does it get interesting? Why did I have to talk about this? Well, here you go. Jill goes on to say. But weddings can also be fraught, especially for feminists and anyone else who believes women should have equal rights in society, and that women and men should be equal members in the marital partnership. Let’s rewind that. Whoever said women don’t have equal rights in society. Where has this notion came from? I have some homework for you. Name one, right or liberty that a man has that a woman does not have in this country in the United States of America. Don’t worry, our way. There is none. So what is this a quality that she’s referring to every right a man has in this country, a woman has. So as far as on a human rights level, that is understood, we are equal as far as human rights. Let’s continue. She goes on to say so much of the wedding culture is steeped in patriarchal traditions and conservative expectations. Perhaps not how a lot of couples want to mark the beginning of their life together. Hold up, wait a minute. Whoever said tradition is a bad thing. Whoever said that having

conservative views and expectations on things is a bad thing. Why does something being conservative have to be something that’s in opposition to You some people have conservative values? Some people are more liberal, some people are more moderate. Why does it affect you so much? Let’s continue. She says perhaps not how a lot of couples want them to mark the beginning of their life together. And yet, when it comes to weddings, even many equally minded couples go through the patriarchal motions. So now it’s motions. Pay attention to the verbiage. Pay attention to the verbiage. This is important. She says, that’s a mistake. Weddings are expressions of culture, religious and family traditions. But they’re also events that represent a couple’s values and their hopes for their lives together. That isn’t to say a wedding determines the course of your marriage. A wedding is one day in a marriage is at least ideally for a lifetime tie. That’s what it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to be for a lifetime. Marriage is supposed to be forever. But unfortunately, in this country 80% of marriages are, are initiated by women. The majority of the time it’s for error may get this right. irreconcilable differences. Basically, I’m not happy. So what are you trying to prove? Here? It gets better pay attention, pay attention to the agenda underlying with some of this stuff. She says, but a wedding is for many people who marry one of the most significant rituals of one’s life meant to set the tone for a lifelong partnership.

set the tone for a lifelong partnership. You see the verbiage there? I’m sorry. I’m not looking for a partnership. I think there are defined roles between men and women. Men who are respected, are leaders. Logical thinkers, have ambition goals. Women are supposed to be a help make a support system to him. And that doesn’t mean that you don’t take your spouse’s consideration their thoughts into into consideration. But at the end of the day, I think there needs to be a quarterback, a leader of the household who’s going to make the final decision. You listen to your spouse, you take her input respectfully, and you really consider it but at the end of the day, the final decision needs to be with the leader of the household, the head of the household, which in my view is demand. I don’t see anything wrong with those gender roles. Let’s continue. Pay attention to this. It also goes on to say here, and so couples should take seriously the question of which traditions they want to keep, which they want to skip and how the wedding itself can set the tone for the rest of their marriage. She says it’s hard to make the case that marriage itself is a feminist endeavor. Marriage either seems to make people more conservative, or more conservative people are more likely to get married. Married men and women are more likely to vote for Republicans, while single people and particularly single women, you know, are more likely to vote Democrat. Yep, sounds right. Married women do more housework than women who cohabitate with their partners. It is it is not simply the presence of a man that is associated with women spending more time on housework researchers have found it is the presence of a husband. What’s the problem? Her story historically marriage has meant the passing of a woman or girl from her father’s authority to her husband’s Okay, no problem there. Not so long ago married women in the US could be denied a credit card if they didn’t have their husband’s permission to get one and marriage gave a husband the legal right to our his wife. Now that is very Extreme, nobody with Common Sense would say that that is okay. She says marital are wasn’t criminalized in all 50 States until the 1990s. And loophole still exists. What are these loopholes? Are there really loopholes to that? I highly doubt that every write that a woman has a man has in today’s day and age, nobody with Common Sense is condoning are in any situation. So let’s continue. Early, a marital early American marital law was governed by the principle of coverture, which was summed up by English jurists, William Blackstone, thusly, by marriage, the husband and wife are one person in law, that is the very being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated and consolidated into that of the husband. What is the problem? It’s supposed to be a union, marriage is a business decision. It’s a union between two people becoming one. What’s the problem with that? You’ll see here you’ll see here shortly, feminists have spent several centuries trying to change the many laws that render women legal non persons by virtue of marriage, we have not yet fully succeeded. Across much of the world, wives still don’t have the same rights as their husbands when it comes to everything from divorce, to property rights to child custody, to inheritance to the ability to choose to get married in the first place. Hold up, wait a minute. In today’s day, and age and 2022, women do not have

the same rights as their husbands when it comes to everything from divorce. I know here in the United States of America, where I’m sure this woman lives. When it comes to divorce. 80% of the divorces are initiated by women. Most of those are for era of irreconcilable differences. When it comes to favoritism in the courts. When it comes to family court. Women wipe the floor with men. Most of the time, I would venture to say eight out of 10 cases, the woman is going to get half of everything that the man owns. They’re gonna get custody of the kids, they’re gonna get an inheritance. If you ask me when you talk about some of the riches most of the richest women in the world have earn their wealth, through divorce or through the passing of their husbands. Look at Elon Musk, his wife, I forgot her name. Bill Gates, ex wife, Melinda Gates, I think that’s her name. Wealthy through divorce. The list goes on and on. The Amber Heard situation she got 7 million from the divorce from Johnny Depp, she might have to pay it back now. But you get where I’m going here. So what are these rights in these justices in this in equity and oppression that women have in 2022, that she’s referring to pay attention to the indoctrination? Women have equal rights in this country. But it appears that there are people trying to get more constantly trying to get more. This is part of the reason why men are backing away from marriage. This is part of the reason why men are just like, I’m good. So be careful what you ask for. Let’s continue. She goes on to say.

In many countries, women cannot marry who they wish, including other adult women. In many conservative religious traditions, marriage remains explicitly patriarchal, with wives instructed to submit to their husbands and the husband considered the top authority in the family. I don’t see the problem with the wife submitting to their husband and the husband being considered the top authority in the family. Those are the traditional gender roles that have been around for years and years way before me. I don’t see the problem with that. The key is, are you choosing to marry a man that you admire, love and respect? If you respect the man, and you choose the right man, you don’t have to accept the proposal. Men choose who gets married but you don’t have to accept the proposal. If you don’t think the man will be a good man to follow and to submit to under his leadership. I don’t see the problem here. Let’s continue. In spite of all this many feminists, this author included have still gotten married. But how we do it matters. There’s no perfectly feminist way to walk oneself into a pretty unfeminist institution. But there are a series of choices to make along the way. She says, for example, is marriage something you discuss in depth and come to a mutual agreement on before you get engaged, if you get engaged? Or is it among heterosexual couples? A he asked she says yes, situation. Absolutely. One women, any women listening right now, do you want to get down on one knee and ask a man to marry you know, it’s tradition. And it’s tradition for a reason. MIT, excuse me, men choose who gets married. women choose who gets access to sex. This is the way it has been. And it will always be. I don’t think these roles are wrong in the slightest. I think they are biologically ingrained in us and are there for a purpose. She goes on to say, does the female half of a heterosexual couple wear an engagement ring while the male half doesn’t? Does he asked her father for permission and is getting a grown woman’s father’s permission to make one of the most important decisions of, of adult life? Really, how you want to start in ostensibly egalitarian, ostensibly grown up marriage? Um, that’s a loaded question. But yes, you should be getting the men you should be getting the blessing of the Father before taking your potential wife’s hand in marriage. The man in your potential wife’s life that loves her unconditionally? Is her father? He has, he should have a say. And if he would bless the union or not, you can make the choice after that. But a woman’s father loves her unconditionally. And has her best interests in mind if he’s a good father, most fathers are there are bad fathers. There are bad apples, for sure. But you shouldn’t want to do that. As a man. I don’t see a problem with that tradition. She also goes on to say, before you marry, do you have an honest and serious conversation about the division of household labor about children, and who plans on doing how much of the work about the fact that even couples who intend to be egalitarian often end up very unequal? When children come into the picture a dynamic that leads to a lot of miserable moms? Okay. So you see what’s going on here, everything needs to be equal, right? Everything needs to be equal. But my response to that would be, most women do not want to have an equal partnership. Most women’s studies have shown this want to have a man that makes at least what they make, or more usually 25% more than what they make, at least. Most women,

when they actually have children decide that they really don’t want to be in the workplace like that anymore, or at least on a part time level. So they choose to stay back home, take care of the children and the man were built for work, work more hours, and incense with how much daycare costs, it actually is a smarter move to have the woman there taking care of the children, because daycare is killing people, people are paying 20 503,000 Some people are paying $4,000 a month in just daycare in some places. So if your salary is not going to make up that is not even a smart business move to have you working if the man salary, which is a man that you will respect his salary should be able to cover all of the expenses. It’s just natural rules that are there for a reason. I understand that some people have different situations, and that’s for you. But why do you have to put your potential ie egalitarian Union on all the rest of us? I just don’t see the logic here. Basically, all I see here is a bunch of indoctrination, and I’m going to finish it up here. The last part that I thought was important is she said if you’re a woman getting married, do you change your last name? You shouldn’t your name is your identity and replacing it with your husband’s is a pretty literal representation of as Blackstone put it, the legal suspension of a woman’s very self image and her consolidation into her husband’s identity, see that want to get married, but want to do this hyphenated nonsense when it comes to a union, let me tell you something. I don’t care what nobody says. I am not marrying somebody that’s not going to take my last name. Period. We’re not doing that as hyphenated bullcrap. And I would say, as a woman, you should not want to marry a man who you don’t honor love and respect and want to take his last name. That doesn’t mean your family name dies or anything like that you have a new family. Now the family that you’re going to be building, you’re going to take your husband’s last name. And I find this, I found this article to be very troubling because it’s trying to push an agenda of a mindset that is ultimately going to lead to problems in a relationship. No relationship is completely equal. They’re not supposed to be. I like to use this analogy. When it comes to a successful organization, a successful team and a successful plan. Let’s let’s talk about football. For example, there is an offensive line. We’re trying to get down the field. There’s a head coach who’s calling the plays relaying it to the quarterback. Who in this analogy is the husband and who aids the quarterback in getting the assignment, which is getting a touchdown getting the ball to the other side of the field the most. It is the left tackle. The wife is the left tackle. What does the left tackle do people for all my my football fans. The left tackle covers the quarterbacks blind spots. So when the quarterback the husband is surveying the fields surveying the landscape, okay, navigating traffic trying to make the pass so we can get to where we need to go our goal. The left tackle is surveying his blind spot where he can’t see, that’s where the wife comes in. The wife comes in and is a helpmate, and can see where he is lacking and covers up and fills those blind spots. The left tackle was is very important. Without the left tackle, the quarterback can get sacked the quarterback can not do his job properly. Because he doesn’t have that person, they’re covering up his blind spot. We need both of them to win, get to the goal get scored a touchdown. The quarterback can’t have it can’t be two quarterbacks can’t be two left tackles, swung quarterbacks, the husband, who’s the leader.

In the left tackle is the wife who is there covering up his blind spots, looking for holes in places where he can use work. And that’s where you aid him. And we ultimately get down the field. We awesomely get down the path and we also we ultimately reach the goals that we want to reach I think of you. I think I’ve ran that analogy, far as it’s gonna go. But you get the idea, or at least I hope I wanted to do this. And I wanted to talk about this article. But but because I’m starting to realize that you need to pay attention to what people are reading in the media, there’s an agenda underneath a lot of this stuff that is pushing ideologies, that is not going to help people have productive relations, relationships that last, there are gender roles for a reason. And the majority of women if you really put a lie detector to him and you had them really give their actual take on what they want. They would say they don’t want to work for the rest of their lives. Once they have kids. They want to be a stay at home mom, maybe work part time for a little bit. And to do that, you are going to have to have a man who is a leader who’s ambitious, who’s willing and able to provide and provide protection and security and that type of man, I’m just gonna be honest, most of them is not going to want some ie egalitarian union, they’re going to want a left tackle. They’re going to want somebody to make their life easier, and not be a headache, cover up the blind spots helped me where I lack. And I’ll take your thoughts and considerations into account. But at the end of the day, I’m gonna survey the field, throw a bomb, and we’re gonna get the touchdown, and we’re gonna keep it moving. So that’s my thoughts on this. I am a proponent of actual gender roles that have been going on for years and years. And despite what a lot of people tell you, the patriarchy is not your enemy. It’s the mindsets that they’re trying to push down your throat, to say everything needs to be equal, equal equal. No. As far as from a human rights perspective, yes, there’s no rights that a woman has in 2022, that a man, there’s no rights that a man has that a woman doesn’t have on a human rights perspective in this country, right now. However, when it comes to gender roles, and dating dynamics, there’s double standards on both sides. And understanding that we are different, but we need each other at the end of the day, is how you’re going to get to and above your goals moving forward, and recognize that a lot of people are all here lying to you, and telling you what you want to hear to push their agenda. If this is the kind of union you want, fine. But I want you to ask yourself, especially ladies, especially women, what kind of union do you want with the man? Do you want it to be egalitarian? Do you want to go 5050 on everything? Do you want to have a hyphenated last name? Or do you want to have a situation like Ricky Williams where he took his wife? He took his wife’s last name? Do you want that? Buzzer on that. That’s not what I want. So hey, this has been another episode of the Karat Juice Podcast. We talked about marriage, the patriarchy, the big bad, patriarchy, and gender roles, and some of my thoughts and perspective on marriage. And just the indoctrination that has been going on through the media. And I am here to give you a dose of some Common Sense and perspective, from a masculine man’s perspective. And just because I have my views doesn’t mean I don’t take what you think into consideration if you think differently, so hey, I want to know what you think about this. And my off base. Do you want to have an egalitarian union? Do you want to have hyphenated names or hey, do you want to have your husband take your last name? Let me know in the comments. Ladies, Gentlemen, please be respectful. also liked the video subscribe to the channel if you enjoyed this content. Also, from our audio listeners, please leave me a rating and review five star five star five star as well as

hit me up on Instagram on Tik Tok as well as karatjuicepodcast.com For everything Karat Juice Podcast. So without further delay, I’ll let you go and until next time, peace.

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